


A step left

by ilyena_sylph



Category: Wheel of Time - Robert Jordan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, What-If, portal-stone!fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-16
Updated: 2014-05-16
Packaged: 2018-01-25 06:30:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1636532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilyena_sylph/pseuds/ilyena_sylph
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A moment when Moiraine Sedai might have chosen another way -- though not another Way -- during <i>Eye of the World</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A step left

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This twist of the Pattern picks up in _The Eye of the World_ during Chapter 42: Remembrance of Dreams. 
> 
> All recognizable dialogue belongs entirely to the incomparable Robert Jordan, and is lifted with the greatest respect I have. This is just... one of those Portal Stone worlds, or maybe another way things could have gone, if Moiraine had made a different choice at one particular mental crossroad.

She hadn't known what to expect of the young Ogier's question -- but this, this was nothing anyone could have expected. 

_To blind the Eye of the World... oh, Light be with us,_ Moiraine thought, grateful for all her years of training in Aes Sedai composure. That -- she had met the Green Man once, and seen the Eye, full to the brim with purified _saidin_. To have it blinded -- emptied? -- would be a disaster beyond the telling. The Ogier, Loial, seemed only academically interested. 

Twenty years, the Ogier had held this secret **twenty years**?! Light! Did they, did he, not know what it would -- 

Then Perrin was talking, and Egwene. They too had heard this story, not from twenty years ago, but only three? And from Tinkers who had spoken to dying Aiel? Absurd, and thus undoubtedly true. Besides, why would Tinkers lie about something like this? 'Did it mean anything?' he asked, and she wanted to laugh at the boy, or snarl, but she kept her voice even. "Perhaps everything."

She was supposed to get these boys to Tar Valon, to Siuan, but how could she, when the Eye was in danger? Her mind was still racing over that when Perrin rumbled into the quiet of the room, speaking the Trolloc name for the Dark One, and more besides. How would a farm lad have --

His words started a quick, sharp argument between the three boys, and despite herself her voice lashed out into the quiet, demanding. "Tell me what?!"

What had they been keeping from her, and why? _Why_ , under the Light?

It was Rand who spoke up, once Perrin had pressed the issue, and Moiraine felt unfamiliar nausea rise in the back of her throat. They had been dreaming of the Father of Lies. Dreaming of the Dark One himself? Light shine upon them, the boys could not possibly be ready for that, could not possibly be strong enough or wary enough to stand against His whispers. 

She was going to have to encourage them to be strong enough. Encourage them, because he would have too strong a hold by now for her to stop it. 

How did Perrin know she was not angry? She knew her face was calm, she had been trained to that from the cradle, but how could he possibly tell? "With myself, more than you," she answered him softly, and knew it for more truth than she'd intended to give. If only she had -- 

\-- no, there was no purpose in that. She would remind them that she had asked, however. She had been trying to guard them. 

She found the words she needed to explain how the Dark One could work through dreams, what protections there were, that the girls and Loial were not in _that_ danger with only half of her attention, the rest of her turning this puzzle over and over in her mental 'hands'. 

"What can we do?" Rand asked, his blue eyes tinged with fear but steady, and at least that answer was easy. 

"Stay close by me," she told him, them really, but it was easiest to speak to Rand, sometimes. "It will help some, but you cannot always remain by me."

Especially true of when they were sleeping, unfortunately -- though if it would keep them safe from the Dark One, she would say to the Pit of Doom with propriety and keep them in her own rooms at every stop from here to the Eye if she could. She would not flush, she was no longer a child to be embarrassed at the thought of being so close to men, but the thought had made her want to. Perrin's voice cut into her thoughts, "I think I've already found my protection."

His voice was low, more resigned than anything, and sympathy twisted in her heart, just a little, even as she agreed. She did not understand what had happened to the blacksmith's apprentice in the days since Shadar Logoth, but the wolves... wolves hated the Shadow and all of its works with passion. They would run through fire to kill a Myrddraal, let alone Trollocs, and they helped to protect his dreams.

She spoke on, warning them of the dangers of the Dark One in their dreams, of what they could do to protect themselves. Deny him, always deny him, force his power to fail. He could not take them unless they surrendered. _Light, let that still be true..._

Mat -- Mat so recently separated from Mashadar's taint -- spouted off, snarling in temper about not wanting the Dark One in his head again, about keeping him out... could the boy _never_ listen to a single thing he was told?! Tell him 'left' and he would run a hundred spans to the right just because! She shook her head at his snapping and questioned them instead, pressing the boys on what the Dark One had said.

Rand told her part of it, 'that we could serve him or die, and then we would serve him still', and cold clutched at her heart.

Then it was Mat speaking, and his words were worse. The Amyrlin Seat would try to use them? 

Siuan would use anything she could to stop the Dark One, use everything she had -- herself more than anyone else, Moiraine almost as hard, and these boys...? She could not honestly deny that Siuan would try to use them, the Oaths that bound her would stop the words in her throat before they could ever be given voice. She could not deny it, because Siuan would do whatever it took to save what she could of the world from Tarmon Gaidon.

Her eyes brightened with anger as Mat went on, 'Davian', and then Perrin said 'Raolin Darksbane'. So the Dark One said that Tar Valon had used false Dragons? Well, what else would the Father of Lies tell three boys, one of whom could channel and all three so strongly ta'veren as to make her faint? Of course He would try to shake them, to frighten them, but surely they had more sense than that!

Rand frowned as he spoke, agreed, and added more names. 'Yurian Stonebow' and 'Guire Amalasan'. She saw his breath catch, saw him go still, and she was almost certain that he was holding another name back as he said 'I don't recognize any of them.'

Of course he did not. In villages so remote that Aes Sedai were lumped with Darkfriends and the Dragon's Fang was nearly scribbled on doors where they merely stayed, no-one would speak a False Dragon's name.

"Do you know them?" he asked, his hands firmly pressed on his knees, "do they mean anything?"

She had been Aes Sedai long enough that she was replying before she really knew it. "The Father of Lies is a good name for the Dark One. It was ever his way to sow the worm of doubt wherever he could." _Do not doubt me, boys, do not think to run from me, I will see you safely to Tarmon Gaidon whatever it takes of me, remember that,_ she thought as she spoke on. "It eats at mens' minds like a canker. When you believe the Father of Lies, it is the first step towards surrender. Remember, if you surrender to the Father of Lies, he will make you his."

Rand looked at her, utterly expressionless, his hands still motionless on his knees, Perrin's wolf-gold eyes narrowed at her, and Mat's laughing face was still. She was unaccustomed to feeling weighted down by any boy's gaze, even three of them, but something pushed down on her chest at the looks on each of those faces.

_Light, have they learned so quickly to read when I'm not answering?_

They had. Or at least Rand had, she realized, and the two of them stood on a razor at this moment. She could keep dissembling, avoiding their questions, and loose them... or she could answer. She could feel the razor cutting into her feet, and both options held her terrified. She breathed out, breathed in, prayed for a moment, and just as Loial opened his mouth to speak, words fell out of her mouth into the silence.

"I do know the names." 

Rand's eyes had never left her, but the grey-blue flared bright with surprise. Surprise and... was that relief? What had he been thinking behind those light eyes, that now he was relieved? _He is afraid of you,_ part of her said softly, _and more afraid of lies than truth._ "They are the names of men who did terrible things to the world, men who fought against Aes Sedai, men who shook the world as if to Break it again. I -- I cannot believe that any Aes Sedai who served the Light would have used those men." 

What was she doing, explaining herself to farm boys?! The head of her Ajah would have her hide off in strips for this, let alone what Siuan would do! Twenty years she had been full Aes Sedai, twenty years she had sought these boys -- Rand more than any other, Rand the only one not born in the Two Rivers -- and now she was backtracking in front of them? Aes Sedai _were_ composure, how had she let them see her so indecisive?

"No Aes Sedai that served the Light," Perrin repeated, his voice a low rumble, while he cocked his head at her. "Aren't all Aes Sedai supposed to serve the Light?"

"Supposed to, yes," she agreed, her composure a little restored, back on firmer ground. "And most women who wear the shawl would explode into fury at the insinuation that any of us do not serve the Light. But I cannot afford to have you believe that all Aes Sedai are safe for you... they are not. The Dark One has some sisters in His hand, and they... they would do as He said to you, use those men for their own aims, His aims."

Egwene was weeping, her face in Nynaeve's shoulder, and Moiraine felt sorry for the girl, in a distant part of her. This was a terrible thing to hear, a more terrible thing to know, but... it must be done. They must know.

She wasn't surprised when it was Mat that snapped off, "If you're willing to say that, how can we trust that you aren't one?! Trying to lead us to -- "

"Matrim Cauthon, have some ruddy sense!"

That was the last voice in the world Moiraine would ever have expected to come to her defense in anything. Nynaeve al'Meara came nearer to hating her than she had seen in any woman since she left the Sun Palace. Even Elaida's hate paled in comparison to Nynaeve's, and Moiraine felt her head swing towards the Wisdom of Emond's Field, her eyes wider than she wanted them to be. 

The boys were staring at her as well, stunned, and at least that gave Moiraine a little space to breathe.

"But, Nyna -- "

"No, Mat. She's nearly killed herself trying to save the three of you, more than once. She's fought for you, and fought for you, and -- she could have left me to die, left Perrin and Egwene, and she didn't. She didn't leave you to let that dagger eat you, either. I don't like her, you all know it, I don't like that she has plans for you... but I can't believe Lan a Darkfriend, or her either." 

The Wisdom's voice was vicious, biting and cold, and Moiraine almost smiled for the pure honesty of those words. 'Don't like her', oh, that was mild for what Nynaeve al'Meara felt about her, but it was truth. She almost wanted to laugh at the idea that it was Lan that had changed the Wisdom's mind... but what she saw brewing between Lan and Nynaeve she had never expected to see. Not after Edeyn and Iselle, but... it was good to see, startling as it was, and though Nynaeve was _anything_ but what she would have chosen for Lan.... That choice was not hers and never had been, and he seemed to only half-know it yet.

"Nynaeve," that was Perrin, his voice a quieter, more thoughtful rumble, "you heard what she said, though."

"I did," the Wisdom agreed, "and I've also heard her talk. She surely says a great many things, but... I think she means what she says about keeping you from the Dark One's hands. It burns to think of trusting any Aes Sedai, but I've only seen her act for you, not against you."

Rand nodded at those words, slow, while Perrin breathed out a quiet sigh and Mat snorted, raking a hand through his hair. "Burn me, Nynaeve, but you don't know what it's like, you don't understand. I won't be _anyone's_ bloody puppet!"

"Watch your language!" the Wisdom snapped, frowning at him, "and of course you won't. You're an Emond's Fielder, and we don't let anyone else pull our strings."

Silence fell in the aftermath of that scolding, and Moiraine took another slow breath. Thanking the Wisdom would only get that acid tongue turned on her, and that would not help anything. So she spoke instead to the boys. "If all I have done for you does not convince you that I want you all to live, to be free of the Shadow, and to be free to act, I do not know what could."

"Don't mislead us," Perrin said, looking a little startled at himself, but his voice was steadfast. "It's easy to hear when you're trying to make us think one thing when you're saying another, and we don't like it."

She blinked at him. 

She blinked at him, then blinked again.

It was not 'easy to hear', it could not be, she had decades of practice in making certain that no-one could hear or notice when she was trying to deflect their attention. How could three untutored, unlettered _farm boys_ hear it?!

Lan could feel her frustration, she sensed his worry from where he stood in the hall, and she made herself calm. Still as a dewdrop on a morning rose, still as lake water at noon, she was unruffled calm.

Farm boys. _Farm boys_ thought they could tell when she was trying to deflect them, and --

\-- the hell of it was, it appeared that they were right.

" _Ta'veren_ ," the Ogier's voice murmured into the quiet, "you are all three _ta'veren_. You must be, to -- " His words cut off as she glanced at him, his tufted ears twitching, and she left the conversation they had been in behind as firmly as she could. This was easier ground, at least a little. 

"So they are," she said quietly. "Three of them, when I expected one. A great many things have happened that I did not expect. This news concerning the Eye of the World changes much ..." she paused, thinking and frowning. 

She had to nudge them into action again, she had to lead them to do what must be done, now that she knew that the Eye was in danger. The Eye in danger, oh Light illumine them all, Creator shelter them. "For a time the Pattern does seem to be swirling around all three of you, just as Loial says, and the swirl will grow greater before it becomes less. Sometimes being _ta'veren_ means the Pattern is forced to bend to you, and sometimes it means the Pattern forces you to the needed path. The Web can still be woven many ways, and some of those designs would be disastrous. For you, for the world."

She felt as though she herself were being woven, pushed and prodded through the warp of a loom as their options narrowed in front of her eyes. She laid them out as she saw them, that they could not leave by the roads because of Trollocs and Fades, that the Eye was in danger now, and who... who controlled the shuttle moving them at this moment? Was it the Creator or the Dark One? She spoke those words aloud, some of them, and the Wisdom exploded at her, her voice as sharp as if she had never come to her defense at all. 

"There's no need for that kind of talk!" Nynaeve said sharply. "You'll only frighten them."

"But not you?" Moiraine asked, unable to keep from pricking at the Wisdom's attempt at bravery and composure. The woman would get herself killed, pretending to be that brave. There were times when caution was the only way. "It frightens me. Well, perhaps you are right. Fear cannot be allowed to affect our course. Whether this is a trap or a timely warning, we must do what we must, and that is to reach the Eye of the World quickly. The Green Man must know of this threat."

She saw Rand jump, and hid the trace of a smile his widened eyes brought. The Eye and the Green Man were always together, had the Two Rivers truly lost that much? Apparently so. 

"I cannot even risk stopping in Tar Valon for help," she continued, somehow finding it easier to explain this than it had been to explain other pieces. "Time traps us. Even if we could ride out of the city unhindered, it would take many weeks to reach the Blight, and I fear we no longer have weeks."

The children all exploded in cries of fear -- wise children, at times -- but she made her voice drive over them as she turned her attention to Loial. 

It must be the Ways, it must be the Waygate at Fal Dara, and they must go this night, this very hour if they could -- they could not, they must plan, must gather supplies, but she wished they could. They **must** reach the Eye in time. Everything else: Siuan, Tar Valon, severing Mat from that dagger, Elaida, Egwene's training, Nynaeve's... everything else must wait, for if the Eye fell to any hand but the Dragon's, they were all doomed. 

The Ogier was not easy to convince, nor were the others. Finally she succeeded, and she had his agreement to guide them. She was not glad, no-one could be glad of going through the Ways, but nothing mattered except reaching the Eye in time. 

\--


End file.
